Year of idiots (2011’s dumbest newsmakers)

Manila Standard Today, Lifestyle | December 31, 2011

Barely days before Christmas, a state of national calamity was declared in the wake of tropical storm Sendong, dampening the holidays of many Filipinos. The tragedy washed away countless fortunes, homes, infrastructures and a considerable number of lives.

But what the Philippines has always demonstrated in times of disaster is ‘bayanihan’. Like what we did after the Ondoy onslaught, we coordinated and mobilized (utilizing a variety of channels, particularly social media), we gave (showing that Christmas is indeed the season of giving) and we stay tuned (keeping ourselves updated on the latest developments).

If there’s another noteworthy thing about us, Filipinos—aside from our inherent spirit of bayanihan—it’s that we prefer to be kept in the loop. We are busybodies, we enjoy gossip and controversies, and we participate in the discussion. We meddle, we weigh in and we pass judgment, either informed ones or otherwise.

We talk about news items of grave importance, like the debate on the Reproductive Health bill, as well as buzzy, but also quite inconsequential, tidbits like the Christopher Lao incident. Yes, amid the political dramas, the Pacquiao win, the beauty pageants, the mall shootings, the natural disasters and the economy watch, Filipinos showed interest in plenty of randomness. For better or for worse, we give you a review of the year’s dumbest stories that made headlines.

Christopher Lao. Due to a tastelessly edited segment on a top-rating news program on TV, the poor guy not only got his car flooded in, but also triggered an online downpour of insults. After insisting that he should’ve been informed of the extent of the flood (clearly a lapse in judgment), Pinoy netizens felt it was their duty to inform him of their outrage and contempt, thus, posting punchlines all over Facebook and Twitter.

James Soriano. Again, opinionated birdbrains reacted without reading between the lines (maybe because they don’t know how to). “Bato-bato sa langit...” seems appropriate here. The sad part about Soriano’s essay is that it’s true; and the truth hurts; and that’s why we’re all in denial. All those negative responses only proved the guy’s point.

Billboard superbods. This year, the conservatives win when it was ordered that all billboards in Metro Manila that are deemed too sexy be taken down, never to be erected again. The first victims: the men-in-Bench-briefs of the Philippine Volcanoes. Why? Because they look good and the guy who rallied for the ban is insecure about his own body. And he gave stooopid reasons such as the images being inappropriate to be seen by children, that they were road accident hazards, blah blah blah.

Supersmokes. Another win for the high and mighty. When two magazines came out with covers depicting two high-profile actresses—one being the Superstar, Nora Aunor, who was celebrating her grand homecoming to the Philippines, and the other being the year’s box-office queen, Anne Curtis, showbiz’s resident wild child—anti-smoking advocates called foul. Smoking is bad, we get it. But those are magazines, not elementary school textbooks. When you demand people to issue public apologies, it means they did something wrong. Showing cigarettes on magazine covers doesn’t really fall under the “wrong” category. If it is, then it should be banned under the law. But it isn’t. So live with it.

Mideo Cruz. Oh yes, aside from censoring billboards and a silly proposal to “censor” planking, we live in a society where the powers that be also want to censor art that sends messages contrary to their beliefs. Sure, Cruz’s so-called “blasphemous” art isn’t what we’re used to. It provokes us, takes us over the edge and evokes a lot of negative emotions. But to censor it and prohibit it from being displayed at the country’s art and culture center? A bit much, don’t you think? If we really are that conservative as a society, it’s funny that no one wants to censor variety shows that sexualize young children and gratify poverty. Talk about double standards.

‘Batangas’ sign on Taal. Seriously, Gov. Vilma Santos? This is your way to boost tourism in Batangas? At least the suggestion wasn’t “Batangas, kay ganda,” which would’ve been worse. Still, labeling a volcano with a Hollywood-like sign is quite stupid, not to mention extremely ugly, according to many Filipinos. Proof? All those images circulating on the Web showing different national landmarks with labels edited in. “Albay” on Mayon Volcano is hilarious!

Anti-planking bill. Let’s just let that sit for a minute. Done laughing? Okay, let’s move on.

Battle of the brands. Without dropping names, you know which apparel brands this is about. First, this brand brings in an American TV star to be on their billboards. That bombed big time so they had to bring in an Asian movie idol. Then, this other brand gets another Stateside TV hunk to wear their underwear. It’s all over the entertainment pages and blogs, but to what end? Instead of dropping big money on publicity overdrive, why not just hire better designers and spend on improving the quality of the clothes?

Big bad blogger. While many people are angry at a certain blogger for being the suspected culprit in this blind item that exploded all over the blogosphere after being printed on a Sunday supplement, the worse criminal in the saga—the big bad publicist—is simply laughing their way to the bank. Everyone is so obsessed with the small nuances of the issue and seems to be forgetting the bigger issue, that is, is “blogger” now synonymous to “journalist?” A US judge says no, but we’re not in the US, are we? So maybe the answer is yes and since almost everyone has a blog nowadays, we’re all bloggers and, therefore, we’re all journalists. Yay!

Noynoy’s iPhone 4S. Umm, next.

Mr. Vicki Belo. Of course, we’re just making fun here. But wouldn’t it be appropriate for Hayden Kho to take Vicki Belo’s last name when they get married? We all know who’s the real man in the relationship anyway. When they got engaged in December 2010 and announced it a few months ago, it’s really not a question of who proposed to whom and who purchased the engagement ring. The question is why we’re even interested.

Twistergate. This is the holiday gift that keeps on giving. First, it was a mere video confessional, albeit with huge and controversial revelations and Reproductive Health bill undertones. Then, it was a make-out video. What’s next? A full-on Hayden Kho? She’s such a beautiful girl, making everyone forget about the moral issue of abortion and what the scandal will do to her acting career. The only thing people are thinking is, “Couldn’t she have picked an attractive guy?”

KC Concepcion. Really, you were surprised? Really, you believed that it was a real breakup and that it was a real relationship? Aw, you’re too cute! (Tip for the disillusioned and delusional: listen to “Don’t Fall in Love with a Homo” by Jonny McGovern.)

Cosmo Bachelor Bash. The increasingly tame and sanitized annual event for women (Swear to Cher, it’s for women!) to showcase the city’s most eligible bachelors—supposedly—has become nothing more than a parade of hipons (shrimps). It’s like an amateur pageant with the same wanna-be male models walking the ramp and teasing the crowd of women and gay men. Mostly gay men. (In Filipino, calling one a shrimp means they have a great physique but an ugly face because what do you do with a shrimp? You eat its body and throw its head away.)

Georgina Wilson. Why her so-called “guesting” on America’s Next Top Model became so talked about, we will never know. Wilson, who is a local model (in case you don’t know who she is), appeared on the show for barely three seconds as a stylist, contrary to many reports quoting her tweet that she “joined as a guest model/stylist.” Quite disappointing, actually.

Puey Quiñones. Once recognized as one of the most promising young fashion designers of his generation, Quiñones is now a thing of the past. His deliberate attempt to fool a client didn’t exactly go as planned. The genius plan was to change the label of a cheap ready-to-wear suit to pass for his own creation and sell it for 10 times the department store price. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for all of mankind, he was busted and relabeled from “promising” to “cheater,” “thief,” “liar,” “embezzler” and “fraudster.” That’s hard, if not impossible, to recover from. Serves him effing right!

Midas Marquez. And because the New Year needs to be cheerful and gay (that means “happy”), let’s end this article with the gayest (“happiest”) thing we’ve seen on TV this year. But if you want an even gayer (“happier”) viewing experience, you should check out the version of the video with another famous clip edited in as an inset. It can be found on YouTube using the keywords “Becky Midas.” Now, take it away, Jonny!